.
.
COPING WITH DOMESTIC VIOLENCE  Part 2


Be endlessly giving. This one may not be attractive to you, but it is a
take it or leave it proposition.

Be absolutely emotionally and financially independent of the
narcissist. Take what you need: the excitement and engulfment and
refuse to get upset or hurt when the narcissist does or says
something dumb, rude, or insensitive. Yelling back works really well
but should be reserved for special occasions when you fear your
narcissist may be on the verge of leaving you; the silent treatment
is better as an ordinary response, but it must be carried out without
any emotional content, more with the air of boredom and "I'll talk to
you later, when I am good and ready, and when you are behaving
in a more reasonable fashion".

.
If you are a "fixer", then focus on fixing situations, preferably before
they become "situations". Don't for one moment delude yourself
that you can fix the narcissist - it simply will not happen.

Finally, and most important of all: Know Yourself.

What are you getting from the relationship? Are you actually a
masochist? A codependent? Why is this relationship attractive and
interesting?  Define for yourself what good and beneficial things you
believe you are receiving in this relationship.

(1a) Insist on Your Boundaries - Resist Abuse

Refuse to accept abusive behavior. Demand reasonably predictable
and rational actions and reactions. Insist on respect for your
boundaries, predilections, preferences, and priorities.
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